then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
You are the jesus of drinking
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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