i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
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