My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Randomize