How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize