everyone is single if you try hard enough
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize
