you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
