I think my vagina is haunted
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
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