That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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