STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
