He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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