after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
