I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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