He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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