i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
