You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
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