Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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