Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
it glows. i had to have it.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
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