He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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