whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
