Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
