im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
