Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Randomize
