I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
