All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
