i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
