You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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