How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
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