508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Randomize
