well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
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