Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
