You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
