She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
