Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
