So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
