between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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