4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
