Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
That was before I lit my hair on fire
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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