Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
