Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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