I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
