Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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