in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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