Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
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