He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
