Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
