But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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