Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
