Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize