wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
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