..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
