When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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