Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
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