The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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