I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
