He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Your penis caused this!
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
