i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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