I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
her vagine was all disorganized.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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