I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
