I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
