You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I checked into jail on foursquare
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
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