It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
