Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
