but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
