If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
