I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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