Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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