end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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