first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
