im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Randomize
