What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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