Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
